“Cinnamon Toast” by Patsy Kahmann

I had a dream my Mom was making me my favorite childhood breakfast. That was a week before I had a reading with Samara Anjelae, a phone reading. She lives in Kentucky, I in Minnesota. Samara asked: “Does cinnamon toast mean anything to you?”

I had been to another Medium about contacting my mother and came away disappointed. I didn’t feel my mom. She seemed so far away. But later, when Samara asked me about cinnamon toast, I knew. I knew! My mom was right in the room with me. I could smell the cinnamon! I could smell her!

How can I explain to you how those two simple words brought her back to me?

My 8 brothers, 3 sisters and I all made it to the hospital. We came from Boston, Arizona, St. Louis, Canada, Minnesota. The doctors tried all sorts of heroics to keep her here, even a helicopter ride to the Mayo Clinic, but her time was up. Mom could not speak due to the breathing tube, but her eyes followed me and tried so hard to tell me something. She struggled to write it on paper, but her hand was too shaky. I pretended to understand, but I couldn’t make out the words. Hers was a beautiful death, though so profoundly heartbreaking at the same time. All twelve of Mom’s children were at her side, singing her to heaven. She died before I knew what it was she wanted me to know.

My family had been so close and yet it fell apart without her energy in the middle of us. We turned away from each other. My grief was too heavy. Not only had I lost my mom, my best friend, but I had lost the support of my brothers and sisters.

What had my mother been trying to tell me? It haunted me. Samara helped me find the answer. An intense healing took place that day and my family has circled back to its center.